Well today has been horrible. I have never suffered so much on the first day of quitting before. Normally it takes a couple of days for me to really get stressed, but today has been probably the worst day I've had this year - that I can remember!
My cousin came to visit me this morning with her two kids, I haven't seen her since my wedding day so it was something to look forward to. It was quite tough when she arrived as she doesn't use social networking sites and was unaware that I've given up smoking. The first thing she did was knock on the door & then stand outside smoking while I just watched. We used to smoke indoors, but whenever she comes over we had to smoke outside due to the kids. It was really tough watching her smoke, but I got through it okay I think.
I think the problems today started after getting back from visiting our friend in hospital. She had a baby this morning so we went to visit her for about an hour in the afternoon. On the way back, it was rush hour so we had to take a diversion away from the M25 and ended up stopping at Terry's parents to avoid the traffic. His mum made us dinner which was really nice.
I just feel really fucking awful. So many different emotions, I can't cope with feeling like this every day. I can even tell that I'm in a foul mood and being snappy. Normally, I don't believe people when they say I'm moody so I must be really bad to be able to notice it myself. I could quite happily smash the shit out of something and have a huge temper tantrum. Terry doesn't seem to be too bad in terms of moodiness, it's just me. Normally I'm the one egging him on to keep going, for some reason I'm really having a hard time today.
I can't even use my nicotine replacement gum as it made my throat burn really badly, so basically I'm fucked. I'm allergic to the bastard patches and I'm not allowed to take Champix because it makes you go crazy and my work probably wouldn't allow me to take it.
I really don't want to talk to anyone at the moment, I am swinging between feelings of intense rage and major depression. I just asked Terry to stop chewing his finger nail because the noise is annoying me, he sort of smiled & put the bitten fingernail in my handbag (gross) to make me laugh - I just burst into tears. What the fuck is that all about. I feel heartbroken, yet there's no reason for it. I actually feel like a mental person - I have been feeling tearful for hours now and it literally just got the better of me 3 minutes ago. It's ridiculous, but anyone who hasn't given up smoking before will never understand. I don't even understand myself, I have never been this bad before. Nowhere even close.
The only thing stopping me from going to the shop and buying cigarettes is knowing how much faith people have put into us by giving us sponsorship. And thinking of Tor who had a double lung transplant a few weeks ago to help give her her life back. If it wasn't for Tor, and our sponsorship money, I would've given up giving up hours ago.
This fucking sucks.
Once again here's the pages for donation. We will be continuing to collect donations for the foreseeable future. There's no actual cut off date.
www.justgiving.com/LaurenCHollands (me)
www.justgiving.com/TerryHollands (Terry's page)
www.justgiving.com/teams/happylungs if you want to join in the fundraising
Sorry for all the swearing. I could actually murder someone right now. Back tomorrow hopefully!!
Lauren
Showing posts with label terry hollands. Show all posts
Showing posts with label terry hollands. Show all posts
Tuesday, 1 November 2011
Monday, 31 October 2011
The Night Before Quitting
I haven't really been in a blogging mood this week due to completely mangling my back to the point where all I can do is sit and smoke. Not really a great thing considering that the smoking part is ending very soon! 5 hours to be precise!
But the good news is I was finally given good painkillers, so the sitting around part is a lot more fun now. Being in agony is not a good way to go into my quitting phase.
We're doing really well on our fundraising, we've just been taken over the £1000 mark on our team page thanks to our friend Kev! I still can't believe that we've managed to raise so much money for our cause in such a short space of time, I hope it continues to build up!
My only worry at this point in time is that I'm taking Co-Codamol for my back... anyone who's taken it will know the side effects it has on your stomach. And smoking is a laxative... so giving up has the opposite effect until your body starts functioning properly again. So it could be quite an uncomfortable week for me! Expect to see me walking around in baggy tops! ;)
We've both been looking forward to giving up which is highly unusual for us, normally we're dreading it. This time I know we'll do it!
I'm slightly nervous about how to keep myself busy to take my mind off of smoking. As I'm supposed to be resting my back, I can't really do a lot except potter about the shops. Which still doesn't do my back any favours.... So I'll have to find a 'restful' hobby/task to keep myself occupied. Terry has plenty to get on with, so he'll be fine ;) I can supervise him doing all of his jobs around the house haha!#
In terms of quitting aids, Terry has super strength patches and I have the chewing gum. I'll post about how we get on with those, hopefully they'll make a difference.
Terry is still going to be giving away the t-shirt he wore at this year's Worlds Strongest Man final for the highest donation to his page. He will check in the morning and see who it is. There's still time to donate for a chance!
So if you haven't donated yet and wish to do so, here are the links:
My individual page: www.justgiving.com/LaurenCHollands
Terry's page: www.justgiving.com/TerryHollands
And if you want to join in with the fundraising in any way you see fit:
www.justgiving.com/teams/happylungs and request to join our team!
All in aid of the Cystic Fibrosis Trust
Lauren x
But the good news is I was finally given good painkillers, so the sitting around part is a lot more fun now. Being in agony is not a good way to go into my quitting phase.
We're doing really well on our fundraising, we've just been taken over the £1000 mark on our team page thanks to our friend Kev! I still can't believe that we've managed to raise so much money for our cause in such a short space of time, I hope it continues to build up!
My only worry at this point in time is that I'm taking Co-Codamol for my back... anyone who's taken it will know the side effects it has on your stomach. And smoking is a laxative... so giving up has the opposite effect until your body starts functioning properly again. So it could be quite an uncomfortable week for me! Expect to see me walking around in baggy tops! ;)
We've both been looking forward to giving up which is highly unusual for us, normally we're dreading it. This time I know we'll do it!
I'm slightly nervous about how to keep myself busy to take my mind off of smoking. As I'm supposed to be resting my back, I can't really do a lot except potter about the shops. Which still doesn't do my back any favours.... So I'll have to find a 'restful' hobby/task to keep myself occupied. Terry has plenty to get on with, so he'll be fine ;) I can supervise him doing all of his jobs around the house haha!#
In terms of quitting aids, Terry has super strength patches and I have the chewing gum. I'll post about how we get on with those, hopefully they'll make a difference.
Terry is still going to be giving away the t-shirt he wore at this year's Worlds Strongest Man final for the highest donation to his page. He will check in the morning and see who it is. There's still time to donate for a chance!
So if you haven't donated yet and wish to do so, here are the links:
My individual page: www.justgiving.com/LaurenCHollands
Terry's page: www.justgiving.com/TerryHollands
And if you want to join in with the fundraising in any way you see fit:
www.justgiving.com/teams/happylungs and request to join our team!
All in aid of the Cystic Fibrosis Trust
Lauren x
Friday, 21 October 2011
Days 4,5,6,7 and ermmmm...8 (yes, I'm rubbish)
This week we've been really busy finishing off the bathroom, which is why I haven't been posting daily as I had originally hoped to do!
The good thing to come out of doing all this DIY (other than having a decent bathroom) is that we've been so busy we haven't really had time to smoke. We've been going hours without smoking, just working hard to get the job done. This makes me feel optimistic about actually giving up completely, as long as I'm occupied with some sort of task, I find it much easier to go without a cigarette. I think the same goes for Terry too.
So since my last blog, I've had a new recruit to the fundraising team page and another one prepared to join too! This is excellent progress, it makes me feel a lot more positive knowing I've got other people in the same position. We can help support each other!
My husband has joined the team and has had his first 2 donations this evening and I imagine he'll have seriously overtaken me by the end of the weekend! With 5000 Facebook friends, 5391 people on his fan page and nearly 1900 followers on Twitter, he should definitely get some good support! If every single person on each of these social networking sites donated just 10p, it would amount to some serious money for a fantastic cause. I just hope people try their best to help our cause.
He has said that whoever donates the most money to his individual JustGiving page by 1/11/11 (our giving up day) will receive the t-shirt he wore at the Worlds Strongest Man finals, and signed if required. I hope this is an incentive to people to donate as much as possible; although everyone who donates is doing something really decent regardless of whether it's 50p or £50. If he fails to give up smoking completely within 6 months, he's going to donate from his own money half the amount that we raise combined. So if we raise £1000, he will give £500 to the charity if he doesn't succeed. For him to say this shows how determined he is to keep to his word and stay 'given up' for good this time. I really think we can do it this time!
In a way, I wish I hadn't given myself so long before the big day. I'm bored of smoking already, and eager to start the task of giving up. Another positive, usually I'm dreading the first day of giving up.
I'm pretty sure that no one is reading this blog (what a loser, I'm soooo uninteresting) but just in case, here are all the links once again:
My individual page:
www.justgiving.com/LaurenCHollands
Terry's individual page:
www.justgiving.com/TerryHollands
And anyone who wants to join the fundraising team, whether it's giving up smoking or running a marathon:
www.justgiving.com/teams/happylungs
And for more information about getting the chance to win Terry's Worlds Strongest Man 2011 Finals t-shirt, go to Facebook and type in: Terry Hollands and the athlete fan page should pop up.
You can also follow us both on Twitter: @terryhollands and @lorenzomingus
Night all! :)
The good thing to come out of doing all this DIY (other than having a decent bathroom) is that we've been so busy we haven't really had time to smoke. We've been going hours without smoking, just working hard to get the job done. This makes me feel optimistic about actually giving up completely, as long as I'm occupied with some sort of task, I find it much easier to go without a cigarette. I think the same goes for Terry too.
So since my last blog, I've had a new recruit to the fundraising team page and another one prepared to join too! This is excellent progress, it makes me feel a lot more positive knowing I've got other people in the same position. We can help support each other!
My husband has joined the team and has had his first 2 donations this evening and I imagine he'll have seriously overtaken me by the end of the weekend! With 5000 Facebook friends, 5391 people on his fan page and nearly 1900 followers on Twitter, he should definitely get some good support! If every single person on each of these social networking sites donated just 10p, it would amount to some serious money for a fantastic cause. I just hope people try their best to help our cause.
He has said that whoever donates the most money to his individual JustGiving page by 1/11/11 (our giving up day) will receive the t-shirt he wore at the Worlds Strongest Man finals, and signed if required. I hope this is an incentive to people to donate as much as possible; although everyone who donates is doing something really decent regardless of whether it's 50p or £50. If he fails to give up smoking completely within 6 months, he's going to donate from his own money half the amount that we raise combined. So if we raise £1000, he will give £500 to the charity if he doesn't succeed. For him to say this shows how determined he is to keep to his word and stay 'given up' for good this time. I really think we can do it this time!
In a way, I wish I hadn't given myself so long before the big day. I'm bored of smoking already, and eager to start the task of giving up. Another positive, usually I'm dreading the first day of giving up.
I'm pretty sure that no one is reading this blog (what a loser, I'm soooo uninteresting) but just in case, here are all the links once again:
My individual page:
www.justgiving.com/LaurenCHollands
Terry's individual page:
www.justgiving.com/TerryHollands
And anyone who wants to join the fundraising team, whether it's giving up smoking or running a marathon:
www.justgiving.com/teams/happylungs
And for more information about getting the chance to win Terry's Worlds Strongest Man 2011 Finals t-shirt, go to Facebook and type in: Terry Hollands and the athlete fan page should pop up.
You can also follow us both on Twitter: @terryhollands and @lorenzomingus
Night all! :)
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