Today has been better than yesterday, although far from a walk in the park. My chest is desperate for nicotine, but I'm not going to give in.
I tried one of Terry's patches this morning, I seriously regret doing that. My arm started itching immediately & went bright red. It felt like I'd been punched in the arm and I felt so sick I actually had my head over the toilet at one point today. That coupled with my codeine tablets made for an extremely unpleasant feeling. As soon as I took the patch off I started feeling better almost immediately.
Terry got 2 bids yesterday, one of £350 and another at £375! Just knowing about that really helps to motivate us to keep up with not smoking. I can't believe how generous people have been.
Not really much to report today, we haven't argued at all and there's been no rages from me... But I still feel like I could kill someone. Let's hope tomorrow continues to get better. The real test will be when we next go out drinking.
Wednesday 2 November 2011
Tuesday 1 November 2011
The Big Day
Well today has been horrible. I have never suffered so much on the first day of quitting before. Normally it takes a couple of days for me to really get stressed, but today has been probably the worst day I've had this year - that I can remember!
My cousin came to visit me this morning with her two kids, I haven't seen her since my wedding day so it was something to look forward to. It was quite tough when she arrived as she doesn't use social networking sites and was unaware that I've given up smoking. The first thing she did was knock on the door & then stand outside smoking while I just watched. We used to smoke indoors, but whenever she comes over we had to smoke outside due to the kids. It was really tough watching her smoke, but I got through it okay I think.
I think the problems today started after getting back from visiting our friend in hospital. She had a baby this morning so we went to visit her for about an hour in the afternoon. On the way back, it was rush hour so we had to take a diversion away from the M25 and ended up stopping at Terry's parents to avoid the traffic. His mum made us dinner which was really nice.
I just feel really fucking awful. So many different emotions, I can't cope with feeling like this every day. I can even tell that I'm in a foul mood and being snappy. Normally, I don't believe people when they say I'm moody so I must be really bad to be able to notice it myself. I could quite happily smash the shit out of something and have a huge temper tantrum. Terry doesn't seem to be too bad in terms of moodiness, it's just me. Normally I'm the one egging him on to keep going, for some reason I'm really having a hard time today.
I can't even use my nicotine replacement gum as it made my throat burn really badly, so basically I'm fucked. I'm allergic to the bastard patches and I'm not allowed to take Champix because it makes you go crazy and my work probably wouldn't allow me to take it.
I really don't want to talk to anyone at the moment, I am swinging between feelings of intense rage and major depression. I just asked Terry to stop chewing his finger nail because the noise is annoying me, he sort of smiled & put the bitten fingernail in my handbag (gross) to make me laugh - I just burst into tears. What the fuck is that all about. I feel heartbroken, yet there's no reason for it. I actually feel like a mental person - I have been feeling tearful for hours now and it literally just got the better of me 3 minutes ago. It's ridiculous, but anyone who hasn't given up smoking before will never understand. I don't even understand myself, I have never been this bad before. Nowhere even close.
The only thing stopping me from going to the shop and buying cigarettes is knowing how much faith people have put into us by giving us sponsorship. And thinking of Tor who had a double lung transplant a few weeks ago to help give her her life back. If it wasn't for Tor, and our sponsorship money, I would've given up giving up hours ago.
This fucking sucks.
Once again here's the pages for donation. We will be continuing to collect donations for the foreseeable future. There's no actual cut off date.
www.justgiving.com/LaurenCHollands (me)
www.justgiving.com/TerryHollands (Terry's page)
www.justgiving.com/teams/happylungs if you want to join in the fundraising
Sorry for all the swearing. I could actually murder someone right now. Back tomorrow hopefully!!
Lauren
My cousin came to visit me this morning with her two kids, I haven't seen her since my wedding day so it was something to look forward to. It was quite tough when she arrived as she doesn't use social networking sites and was unaware that I've given up smoking. The first thing she did was knock on the door & then stand outside smoking while I just watched. We used to smoke indoors, but whenever she comes over we had to smoke outside due to the kids. It was really tough watching her smoke, but I got through it okay I think.
I think the problems today started after getting back from visiting our friend in hospital. She had a baby this morning so we went to visit her for about an hour in the afternoon. On the way back, it was rush hour so we had to take a diversion away from the M25 and ended up stopping at Terry's parents to avoid the traffic. His mum made us dinner which was really nice.
I just feel really fucking awful. So many different emotions, I can't cope with feeling like this every day. I can even tell that I'm in a foul mood and being snappy. Normally, I don't believe people when they say I'm moody so I must be really bad to be able to notice it myself. I could quite happily smash the shit out of something and have a huge temper tantrum. Terry doesn't seem to be too bad in terms of moodiness, it's just me. Normally I'm the one egging him on to keep going, for some reason I'm really having a hard time today.
I can't even use my nicotine replacement gum as it made my throat burn really badly, so basically I'm fucked. I'm allergic to the bastard patches and I'm not allowed to take Champix because it makes you go crazy and my work probably wouldn't allow me to take it.
I really don't want to talk to anyone at the moment, I am swinging between feelings of intense rage and major depression. I just asked Terry to stop chewing his finger nail because the noise is annoying me, he sort of smiled & put the bitten fingernail in my handbag (gross) to make me laugh - I just burst into tears. What the fuck is that all about. I feel heartbroken, yet there's no reason for it. I actually feel like a mental person - I have been feeling tearful for hours now and it literally just got the better of me 3 minutes ago. It's ridiculous, but anyone who hasn't given up smoking before will never understand. I don't even understand myself, I have never been this bad before. Nowhere even close.
The only thing stopping me from going to the shop and buying cigarettes is knowing how much faith people have put into us by giving us sponsorship. And thinking of Tor who had a double lung transplant a few weeks ago to help give her her life back. If it wasn't for Tor, and our sponsorship money, I would've given up giving up hours ago.
This fucking sucks.
Once again here's the pages for donation. We will be continuing to collect donations for the foreseeable future. There's no actual cut off date.
www.justgiving.com/LaurenCHollands (me)
www.justgiving.com/TerryHollands (Terry's page)
www.justgiving.com/teams/happylungs if you want to join in the fundraising
Sorry for all the swearing. I could actually murder someone right now. Back tomorrow hopefully!!
Lauren
Monday 31 October 2011
The Night Before Quitting
I haven't really been in a blogging mood this week due to completely mangling my back to the point where all I can do is sit and smoke. Not really a great thing considering that the smoking part is ending very soon! 5 hours to be precise!
But the good news is I was finally given good painkillers, so the sitting around part is a lot more fun now. Being in agony is not a good way to go into my quitting phase.
We're doing really well on our fundraising, we've just been taken over the £1000 mark on our team page thanks to our friend Kev! I still can't believe that we've managed to raise so much money for our cause in such a short space of time, I hope it continues to build up!
My only worry at this point in time is that I'm taking Co-Codamol for my back... anyone who's taken it will know the side effects it has on your stomach. And smoking is a laxative... so giving up has the opposite effect until your body starts functioning properly again. So it could be quite an uncomfortable week for me! Expect to see me walking around in baggy tops! ;)
We've both been looking forward to giving up which is highly unusual for us, normally we're dreading it. This time I know we'll do it!
I'm slightly nervous about how to keep myself busy to take my mind off of smoking. As I'm supposed to be resting my back, I can't really do a lot except potter about the shops. Which still doesn't do my back any favours.... So I'll have to find a 'restful' hobby/task to keep myself occupied. Terry has plenty to get on with, so he'll be fine ;) I can supervise him doing all of his jobs around the house haha!#
In terms of quitting aids, Terry has super strength patches and I have the chewing gum. I'll post about how we get on with those, hopefully they'll make a difference.
Terry is still going to be giving away the t-shirt he wore at this year's Worlds Strongest Man final for the highest donation to his page. He will check in the morning and see who it is. There's still time to donate for a chance!
So if you haven't donated yet and wish to do so, here are the links:
My individual page: www.justgiving.com/LaurenCHollands
Terry's page: www.justgiving.com/TerryHollands
And if you want to join in with the fundraising in any way you see fit:
www.justgiving.com/teams/happylungs and request to join our team!
All in aid of the Cystic Fibrosis Trust
Lauren x
But the good news is I was finally given good painkillers, so the sitting around part is a lot more fun now. Being in agony is not a good way to go into my quitting phase.
We're doing really well on our fundraising, we've just been taken over the £1000 mark on our team page thanks to our friend Kev! I still can't believe that we've managed to raise so much money for our cause in such a short space of time, I hope it continues to build up!
My only worry at this point in time is that I'm taking Co-Codamol for my back... anyone who's taken it will know the side effects it has on your stomach. And smoking is a laxative... so giving up has the opposite effect until your body starts functioning properly again. So it could be quite an uncomfortable week for me! Expect to see me walking around in baggy tops! ;)
We've both been looking forward to giving up which is highly unusual for us, normally we're dreading it. This time I know we'll do it!
I'm slightly nervous about how to keep myself busy to take my mind off of smoking. As I'm supposed to be resting my back, I can't really do a lot except potter about the shops. Which still doesn't do my back any favours.... So I'll have to find a 'restful' hobby/task to keep myself occupied. Terry has plenty to get on with, so he'll be fine ;) I can supervise him doing all of his jobs around the house haha!#
In terms of quitting aids, Terry has super strength patches and I have the chewing gum. I'll post about how we get on with those, hopefully they'll make a difference.
Terry is still going to be giving away the t-shirt he wore at this year's Worlds Strongest Man final for the highest donation to his page. He will check in the morning and see who it is. There's still time to donate for a chance!
So if you haven't donated yet and wish to do so, here are the links:
My individual page: www.justgiving.com/LaurenCHollands
Terry's page: www.justgiving.com/TerryHollands
And if you want to join in with the fundraising in any way you see fit:
www.justgiving.com/teams/happylungs and request to join our team!
All in aid of the Cystic Fibrosis Trust
Lauren x
Saturday 22 October 2011
Day 9 - lots of support for Terry!
Since joining the 'happylungs' team last night, Terry has had an overwhelming amount of donations! It's amazing, he's well and truly overtaken my amount! So much so, that he's raised his target amount to £1000 from £500! Not that it's a competition (well a little bit haha) but it's fantastic that he is creating so much interest just by offering his worlds strongest man t-shirt for the person with the highest donation. He doesn't really like the attention his career gives him as he's a really shy person, but he's always said he'd like to use the attention for good, such as for charity. And now it's actually doing the world of good in terms of raising money for a great charity!
Starting to really feel positive about giving up for good. All this support we're both getting is making such a difference to our state of minds. This time we can do it! I have faith! Haha
Anyhoo, as always here are our pages:
My individual justgiving page:
www.justgiving.com/LaurenCHollands
Terry's individual justgiving page:
www.justgiving.com/TerryHollands
And if you want to join our fundraising team:
www.justgiving.com/teams/happylungs
Thanks everyone!
X
Starting to really feel positive about giving up for good. All this support we're both getting is making such a difference to our state of minds. This time we can do it! I have faith! Haha
Anyhoo, as always here are our pages:
My individual justgiving page:
www.justgiving.com/LaurenCHollands
Terry's individual justgiving page:
www.justgiving.com/TerryHollands
And if you want to join our fundraising team:
www.justgiving.com/teams/happylungs
Thanks everyone!
X
Friday 21 October 2011
Days 4,5,6,7 and ermmmm...8 (yes, I'm rubbish)
This week we've been really busy finishing off the bathroom, which is why I haven't been posting daily as I had originally hoped to do!
The good thing to come out of doing all this DIY (other than having a decent bathroom) is that we've been so busy we haven't really had time to smoke. We've been going hours without smoking, just working hard to get the job done. This makes me feel optimistic about actually giving up completely, as long as I'm occupied with some sort of task, I find it much easier to go without a cigarette. I think the same goes for Terry too.
So since my last blog, I've had a new recruit to the fundraising team page and another one prepared to join too! This is excellent progress, it makes me feel a lot more positive knowing I've got other people in the same position. We can help support each other!
My husband has joined the team and has had his first 2 donations this evening and I imagine he'll have seriously overtaken me by the end of the weekend! With 5000 Facebook friends, 5391 people on his fan page and nearly 1900 followers on Twitter, he should definitely get some good support! If every single person on each of these social networking sites donated just 10p, it would amount to some serious money for a fantastic cause. I just hope people try their best to help our cause.
He has said that whoever donates the most money to his individual JustGiving page by 1/11/11 (our giving up day) will receive the t-shirt he wore at the Worlds Strongest Man finals, and signed if required. I hope this is an incentive to people to donate as much as possible; although everyone who donates is doing something really decent regardless of whether it's 50p or £50. If he fails to give up smoking completely within 6 months, he's going to donate from his own money half the amount that we raise combined. So if we raise £1000, he will give £500 to the charity if he doesn't succeed. For him to say this shows how determined he is to keep to his word and stay 'given up' for good this time. I really think we can do it this time!
In a way, I wish I hadn't given myself so long before the big day. I'm bored of smoking already, and eager to start the task of giving up. Another positive, usually I'm dreading the first day of giving up.
I'm pretty sure that no one is reading this blog (what a loser, I'm soooo uninteresting) but just in case, here are all the links once again:
My individual page:
www.justgiving.com/LaurenCHollands
Terry's individual page:
www.justgiving.com/TerryHollands
And anyone who wants to join the fundraising team, whether it's giving up smoking or running a marathon:
www.justgiving.com/teams/happylungs
And for more information about getting the chance to win Terry's Worlds Strongest Man 2011 Finals t-shirt, go to Facebook and type in: Terry Hollands and the athlete fan page should pop up.
You can also follow us both on Twitter: @terryhollands and @lorenzomingus
Night all! :)
The good thing to come out of doing all this DIY (other than having a decent bathroom) is that we've been so busy we haven't really had time to smoke. We've been going hours without smoking, just working hard to get the job done. This makes me feel optimistic about actually giving up completely, as long as I'm occupied with some sort of task, I find it much easier to go without a cigarette. I think the same goes for Terry too.
So since my last blog, I've had a new recruit to the fundraising team page and another one prepared to join too! This is excellent progress, it makes me feel a lot more positive knowing I've got other people in the same position. We can help support each other!
My husband has joined the team and has had his first 2 donations this evening and I imagine he'll have seriously overtaken me by the end of the weekend! With 5000 Facebook friends, 5391 people on his fan page and nearly 1900 followers on Twitter, he should definitely get some good support! If every single person on each of these social networking sites donated just 10p, it would amount to some serious money for a fantastic cause. I just hope people try their best to help our cause.
He has said that whoever donates the most money to his individual JustGiving page by 1/11/11 (our giving up day) will receive the t-shirt he wore at the Worlds Strongest Man finals, and signed if required. I hope this is an incentive to people to donate as much as possible; although everyone who donates is doing something really decent regardless of whether it's 50p or £50. If he fails to give up smoking completely within 6 months, he's going to donate from his own money half the amount that we raise combined. So if we raise £1000, he will give £500 to the charity if he doesn't succeed. For him to say this shows how determined he is to keep to his word and stay 'given up' for good this time. I really think we can do it this time!
In a way, I wish I hadn't given myself so long before the big day. I'm bored of smoking already, and eager to start the task of giving up. Another positive, usually I'm dreading the first day of giving up.
I'm pretty sure that no one is reading this blog (what a loser, I'm soooo uninteresting) but just in case, here are all the links once again:
My individual page:
www.justgiving.com/LaurenCHollands
Terry's individual page:
www.justgiving.com/TerryHollands
And anyone who wants to join the fundraising team, whether it's giving up smoking or running a marathon:
www.justgiving.com/teams/happylungs
And for more information about getting the chance to win Terry's Worlds Strongest Man 2011 Finals t-shirt, go to Facebook and type in: Terry Hollands and the athlete fan page should pop up.
You can also follow us both on Twitter: @terryhollands and @lorenzomingus
Night all! :)
Sunday 16 October 2011
Day 3 - not a lot to say!
Just realised that I haven't posted today. Just a quick one today, not a lot has happened!
Terry has decided to give up smoking with me, and with no nagging whatsoever. This makes me happy as it will make it much easier for me. Doing it together is far more appealing than struggling on my own.
I've been overwhelmed by the support so far, I've already raised £143, the majority of that was within 12 hours!
I'll explain more tomorrow!
Goodnight x
Terry has decided to give up smoking with me, and with no nagging whatsoever. This makes me happy as it will make it much easier for me. Doing it together is far more appealing than struggling on my own.
I've been overwhelmed by the support so far, I've already raised £143, the majority of that was within 12 hours!
I'll explain more tomorrow!
Goodnight x
Saturday 15 October 2011
Day 2 - Ideas
Woke up this morning to another donation, bringing the total up to £115! Quite a way off my individual target of £500 and team target of £1000! But I believe it is achievable, and where I keep posting it on my pages, hopefully it will get out to more people!
A friend actually offered to donate £50 if my husband also gives up. I'm not sure how well that will go down, but it's worth a try. It would be good for his career as a strongman to give up smoking, and with all the friends and fans he has on his social networking sites, he'd be able to raise more money than I could ever dream of! No pressure or anything.... ;) Although, I am hoping that he will be my first team member of 'happy lungs'!
I'm debating what to do about this quitting business. Do I cut down in the run up to 1/11/11? Or do I smoke as usual, knowing it'll be my last chance to do so? When I tried to quit before, I used some nicotine replacement patches. It didn't quite work out too well though, as my whole arm went an angry shade of red, was itching and felt like I'd been punched. So every other attempt has been cold turkey.
I'm probably going to go and see the smoking cessation nurse at my doctor's surgery, I suppose it can't hurt to see what it's all about. There's no way I can use patches, so there must be another way to try and lose this habit.
I go pretty much a whole day at work without smoking due to no longer being allowed to smoke in the driving cab, so I usually have 1 cigarette on my break, and 1 when I've finished and am on my way home. Yet I can't go an hour at home without smoking. Even when I'm on a long flight I don't think about it too much, it's as if my nicotine addiction switches off the whole time I'm in the air, and only comes back to life as I'm landing. A lot of it must be in my head and I have to try and work out how to trick my mind!
I'm actually wishing I'd picked an earlier date now, all this talk about giving up is going to get tedious the closer I get to the big day. But seeing as my birthday is the 30th of October, I think it's wise to give up after this drunken occasion!
I lliterally just this second received a Facebook message from someone saying their child has CF and they're so grateful I'm raising money for it. It is such a nice thing for them to say, and I'm so pleased that a little thing like me giving up smoking will hopefully help raise enough money to try and make a difference to the lives of the sufferers. Things like this WILL keep me focused. Anytime I feel like I might sway back to my old habits, I will read my messages of support from people and look at my friend's sister's Facebook page 'Tor's Transplant Troop'.
I really feel positive this time, due to it being so out in the open and for such a good cause, I know that I can't afford to fail. I need to keep going and be successful. Not only for my own health, but for the sake of the kind people who have donated to the cause and are relying on me to keep my end of the bargain.
Right, better be off now as I have to get ready for work (major sigh), don't bloody finish til 1am arggghhh!
Last but not least, here are my JustGiving pages:
www.justgiving.com/LaurenCHollands you can donate towards my cause here
www.justgiving.com/teams/happylungs you can join my team and help raise money here in any way you see fit! All proceeds go to the Cystic Fibrosis Trust and you can do whatever you fancy to help. Give up smoking? Shave your head? Backflips?
More ramblings tomorrow, see ya
Lauren x
A friend actually offered to donate £50 if my husband also gives up. I'm not sure how well that will go down, but it's worth a try. It would be good for his career as a strongman to give up smoking, and with all the friends and fans he has on his social networking sites, he'd be able to raise more money than I could ever dream of! No pressure or anything.... ;) Although, I am hoping that he will be my first team member of 'happy lungs'!
I'm debating what to do about this quitting business. Do I cut down in the run up to 1/11/11? Or do I smoke as usual, knowing it'll be my last chance to do so? When I tried to quit before, I used some nicotine replacement patches. It didn't quite work out too well though, as my whole arm went an angry shade of red, was itching and felt like I'd been punched. So every other attempt has been cold turkey.
I'm probably going to go and see the smoking cessation nurse at my doctor's surgery, I suppose it can't hurt to see what it's all about. There's no way I can use patches, so there must be another way to try and lose this habit.
I go pretty much a whole day at work without smoking due to no longer being allowed to smoke in the driving cab, so I usually have 1 cigarette on my break, and 1 when I've finished and am on my way home. Yet I can't go an hour at home without smoking. Even when I'm on a long flight I don't think about it too much, it's as if my nicotine addiction switches off the whole time I'm in the air, and only comes back to life as I'm landing. A lot of it must be in my head and I have to try and work out how to trick my mind!
I'm actually wishing I'd picked an earlier date now, all this talk about giving up is going to get tedious the closer I get to the big day. But seeing as my birthday is the 30th of October, I think it's wise to give up after this drunken occasion!
I lliterally just this second received a Facebook message from someone saying their child has CF and they're so grateful I'm raising money for it. It is such a nice thing for them to say, and I'm so pleased that a little thing like me giving up smoking will hopefully help raise enough money to try and make a difference to the lives of the sufferers. Things like this WILL keep me focused. Anytime I feel like I might sway back to my old habits, I will read my messages of support from people and look at my friend's sister's Facebook page 'Tor's Transplant Troop'.
I really feel positive this time, due to it being so out in the open and for such a good cause, I know that I can't afford to fail. I need to keep going and be successful. Not only for my own health, but for the sake of the kind people who have donated to the cause and are relying on me to keep my end of the bargain.
Right, better be off now as I have to get ready for work (major sigh), don't bloody finish til 1am arggghhh!
Last but not least, here are my JustGiving pages:
www.justgiving.com/LaurenCHollands you can donate towards my cause here
www.justgiving.com/teams/happylungs you can join my team and help raise money here in any way you see fit! All proceeds go to the Cystic Fibrosis Trust and you can do whatever you fancy to help. Give up smoking? Shave your head? Backflips?
More ramblings tomorrow, see ya
Lauren x
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)